Refining Mars

To be fair, I have to balance my last post with a version for the guys.  Many of you single guys want to attract more women and be seen as a catch.  Or you want to hold on to the wonderful lady that is already in your life.  Or rekindle the romance in your long-term relationship.  How to do it?  This is my take on how Mars can refine himself in small ways and win over Venus.

Here are some of the key traits that a gentleman should possess to make the ladies weak in the knees

1.  Listening skills.  It seems so simple.  But men who really understand women know that this is HUGE.  Listen to her attentively, pay attention to what she likes and doesn’t like…. she’s basically spelling out for you how to win her over and keep her content.  If you show her that you were listening by, for example, surprising her with her favorite snack one day- then you will have her attention.  This also concerns bigger issues such as what she is looking for in the future.  What things does she need in order to commit to you?  She will tell you.  Women generally love to communicate, it’s just a matter of listening and remembering.

I read a book about the 5 “love languages”, basically the different things that partners need in a relationship to feel loved.  The 5 were: acts of service (eg. helping with chores, shoveling the snow), quality time, physical touch, gifts (two of the best gifts that I received were thoughtful and activity related, a bike and a lawnmower, which made me realize that acts of service were actually the language of love for me), and words of affirmation (eg. compliments and encouragement).  If you pay attention to her cues, you may be able to eventually figure out which of these love languages she responds to the most.  They are all important but the book claims that we all respond to one (sometimes two equally) more to feel truly loved by our partner.  Experiment with this!  I think it has some real merit.

tumblr_mhqubuPgSd1s0mjq3o1_5003.  Chivalry is NOT dead!  Women love a gentleman.  Hold doors open, treat her to dinner and a movie, speak to her with respect, offer her your arm when she needs it, watch her walk in the door when you drop her off at home.  Things like this are still important.  Make her feel like a woman who deserves to be treated well and she’ll appreciate you in return.

One thing that men often complain about is that “nice guys finish last”.  I think this should be worded “guys who are pushovers will get pushed over”.  It really depends on your definition of nice.  A man who is respectful and a gentleman can still have his own opinions and ideas.  If he is confident, he will voice his opinion without being aggressive or rude.  However, if he is a pushover and lets others make decisions for him in an attempt to be agreeable, then he likely will “finish last”.  You teach others how to treat you- there’s no need to be a jerk but you should also stand up for yourself.  Askmen.com has a great little article about this.  The main message is- be genuine and show respect to the woman that you’re interested in as well as yourself.

3.  Cultivation of outside interests.  You don’t want to come off clingy or desperate.  If you have genuine interests of your own, you will appear as an interesting person.  That’s a good thing!  And every one needs some time apart.  Take an interest in more than video games- this may be a real hobby but you want to have more than that going for you.  It doesn’t have to be sports but something that gets you out of the house is better.  Or something that stimulates the mind and is more that the typical “boy stuff”, like an interest in music or books.  Even if you just go out with friends once in a while or cook dinner to change things up, it’s good to keep yourself busy sometimes.  If you’re single then finding outside hobbies can be a great way to meet women and when you meet her, she will be more attracted to the version of you that is active and interesting.  Make yourself marketable and the “market” will eventually notice you.

4.  Consideration for others (I put the same one in my ladies’ post).  There’s nothing more charming than someone with a caring heart.  Being charitable in small ways every day can make a big difference to those around you.  Many religions dictate that you should offer a certain percentage of your income to charity.  Even if you are not religious, I’ve read financial books that give the same recommendation.

5.  Try and look like the best version of YOU (another repeat from the last post).  The Axe commercials aren’t lying.  A well-groomed man is so much more appealing.  There’s nothing wrong with a longer hair style or facial hair as long as that hair is CLEAN.  Keep your nails trimmed and clean, try to smell good, pay attention to the way you dress, watch your posture (confidence!), whiten your teeth, clean your car…. does it seem like a lot of work?  It is well worth it to be the guy that girls talk about.  It’s something that is within your control right now and it makes a huge difference to the image of you that she perceives.  Plus you’ll feel good.  And there’s nothing wrong with good hygiene.

Can’t forget my Coachella video at the end of the post!  This is a strange one by the Yeasayers.  Warning: it gets kind of gross- 

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3 thoughts on “Refining Mars

  1. I just want to clarify something…
    Based on this post (namely suggestion #1), your advice on winning over a good woman is to supply snacks and lawn maintenance equipment??

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